Men vs. Women

Hello again, friends.

So I've been making lists lately. Important ones. Gender-specific ones, which goes against everything I tell you I believe in with regards to androgynous utopia. I just can't help but allow my way of thinking to sometimes confine itself in a box of binaries. It usually happens when I'm mad. Since I'm the only female living in a house full of men, I'm usually mad. I have more pictures on my phone of the unbelievable filth piles in this house than I do of my niece. It's bad. I'm poor. Options are limited, thus, I stay put.

My boyfriend lives with me, my best friend's boyfriend lives with me, her other best friend's (Thanks, I know, I'm jealous she has two best friends too) seasonal "date" lives with me, and a girl my best friend and I used to work with's boyfriend lives with me. It's an incestuous dog pile. I've nonetheless gained some priceless wisdom from this bizarre and humiliating circumstance. After over a year of this lifestyle, plus my general life experiences with men, I've created a very easy-to-follow list that might just save the world.

And I'm here to share it with you.

Guidelines for Men
1. Kill spiders.
2. Stop leaving your hair clippings on the sink. Now. 
3. Spitting never looks cool. 
4. Don't expect someone else to pay for the pizza. 
5. A little extra wipe never hurt anyone. 
6. Child support is not a synonym for pot. 
7. Guacamole: Leave some for the rest of us. 
8. Always deodorant. Always.
9. Relearn how to pee. 


And finally...


10. You kinda suck on the guitar. <3


Guidelines For Women
1. Razor + eyebrows = stop. 
2. Stock up on Plan B. 
3. If you offer to pay for pizza, no one will stop you. 
4. Try to be funny.
5. His roommates probably hate you. 
6. If your book to shoe ratio isn't at least 40/60, yardsale. 
7. Oh, bangs. (Please see: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=131785423505525&v=wall)
8. If you don't even live together yet, but you're already nesting, chances are someone's annoyed. 
9. He probably hasn't washed his sheets since he moved in.  


And finally...


10. Salads are boring. Eat a burger. 



Just stew on those for a while.

Hugs, kisses, and broken fingers,
Chelsea Mielke

In the beginning.

Let's get this first post out of the way. I have more important things to move on to, and can't spend an unreasonable amount of time and effort on a throwaway post. It's embarrassing. Chances are if anyone takes an interest in this blog, they're not going to scroll back to the beginning. I do predict, however, that when I'm a worldwide celebrity in 2013, desperate fans will dig their greedy little cursors through the posts of Shiny New Pennies and arrive here. So for those of you from 2013: Hi. You may be present now, but keep in mind that at one point you were the future.

Love and Rockets,
Chelsea D. Mielke